Going through a divorce is never easy. Of course the big chunk is the separation from the person you married. Another big chunk is how to handle your children, and this is never easy, no matter how old they are.

What makes a divorce so difficult is how lonely you are afterwards. Yes, you lost a husband, but you also loose many friends, friends you became closer through the marriage, friend you thought like you, no matter if you are married or not. You thought they like you for who you are, and yet, they disappear out of your life: very quietly and they leave a vacuum…

I’m not sure if there are unwritten rules about who can keep which friend, kind of like who gets the dishes with gold rim and who ends up with all the blue plates. Maybe it is the same rule like who brought the gold rims into the marriage and who brought the blue dishes? I’m not sure, the fact is that after a divorce there are many vacuums that make you feel lonely and incomplete.

16 years ago I got divorced after a 12 year long marriage. I lost many friends and I did gain many questions marks, vacuums and scars. And I learned a lot. Wisdom is a positive sounding expression, wrinkles on skin and scars on the soul is more realistic.

One of those vacuums that was created by the divorce is Edith, who was “our” friend and who ended up in the box with the gold rim dishes. Edith is a few years older than me, she is very sporty, smart, successful in her profession and good looking. I always looked up to her despite the fact that she is smaller than I. She is the only other Edith I know, except those “my grandmother’s sisters name was Edith” and of course Edith Piaf, who I love.

Edith and her late husband Ulli and we, my husband Peter and I met often on the weekends for mountain bike adventures in the Alpes, my husband and Edith were always leading, Ulli and I tried to catch up 😬. We barbecued, played games, had interesting discussions about “god and the world” as we would say in German. Ulli was always sharp and had rational opinions, Edith was more emotional and realistic.

16 years forward: Ted and I sit at a Cafe in Salò, Italy, enjoying the view of Lago di Garda, watching people stroll by, enjoying a late afternoon drink, when Edith walks by and into the same Cafe, orders an espresso and sits down. Since she doesn’t recognize me, I thought I’m mistaken. Later on I go to the restroom and when I leave the facility Edith is about to get in. “Excuse me, you look so familiar “ I say, “is your name Edith?” Big surprise on her, but still no recognition. “Edith & Ulli, Peter and I, we went mountain biking together, we used to be friends!” Then it klicks inside her brain and we try to catch up on those 16 years, which is challenging when you only have 30 min!

It was so nice to see her! Oh my goodness, we were both overwhelmed about this coincidence to run into each other, here in Italy, where both of us just came on vacation, she from Germany, I from California! I’m still shaking my head about this surprise!